Post by Archer on Aug 2, 2009 15:01:15 GMT -8
A Grand Entrance: Part One
Two Weeks Before Earthfall
Near the ass-end of the galaxy, on the back-water, tar-covered, P.O.S planet of Bitumen sat the run-down mining settlement of Kirchweger. The tar mines had shut down years ago, causing the colony to slowly decompose into a big dust ball. It was one of many drunken holes that blanketed the corrupt little planet, spawning crime among other unwholesome pastimes. It was in such a place that Dean Archer found the majority of his work. And- point of interest- it was also were he got into the most trouble.
Like today, for instance.
On the outskirts of Kirchweger sat one of the many abandoned tar refineries. This one in particular was precariously perched on the edge of a mighty high cliff overlooking a sizable tar canal. Dean had a very good view of it.
He was currently hanging upside down from a crane.
Dean wiped some blood from his upper lip…or lower lip. To be quite honest, he couldn’t really tell, being upside down is pretty disorienting. Go figure.
“Ah,” bellowed a husky male voice from across the plant, “so he’s awake!”
Dean tilted his blood-rushed head to try to make the room stop spinning, “Yeah, but shouldn’t you of bought me dinner first? I’m old fashioned like that.”
From out of nowhere, a rifle butt struck Archer in the jaw, causing him to bite his tongue- again.
Dean turned to his right, a dirty, unshaven, disgusting pit of a man leveling the barrel of a short stocked shotgun at him.
Most people called him 'Badger' for short.
Archer spat the metallic taste of fresh blood from his cut mouth as the speaker stepped into view. Same story, mostly. Dirty, smelly, sweaty, bearded and heavily armed. Just a little less disgusting than Badger.
“Well if it isn’t The Bed-knob Boys. I don’t believe we’ve ever formally met.” Dean looked at the one not pointing the gun, assuming that the guy in charge wouldn’t be doing any of the dirty work. “You must be Buford, and that would make this”- he glanced up at the Shotgun- “Badger. I gotta say friend, the description they gave on the arrest warrant was square, but it was way off on the account of your smell” Dean faked a cough.
That comment earned him a shiner on his left eye. It just made Dean choke out a laugh. “No need to get sore about it there fella, just callin’ ‘em like I see ‘em.”
Buford finally decided to put his two cents in. “You’d best not be upsettin’ Badger like that. Boy gets a might…testy.”
Dean tried really hard to withhold the obvious remark, instead whispering, “Disc, a grand entry wouldn’t go amiss right about now.”
“What was that?” Buford.
Dean looked back up, smiling. “Oh, me? Nothin’. Just wonderin’ who told you about little old me comin’ after the…quite sizable bounty for the two of you.”
Buford smiled, not his most appealing feature by far. He nodded to somewhere Dean couldn’t see, "She did.”
Dean heard some footsteps, boots from the sound of it, coming nearer. A couple of steps later saw a couple of brand new cowboy boots come into view. Dean followed them up to a pair of exceedingly amazing legs, shorts way to tiny to be called such, a ridiculously small waist, a bandana tied around a sizable bosom as a shirt, long, straight locks resting on a light tan leather coat, and a face of an angel.
Which was why it was easy to tell that she wasn’t. Didn’t stop Dean’s jaw from dropping though. Not an easy task to do while suspended upside down, mind you.
That ugly smile got wider, something that Dean really didn’t want to see more of. “Meet Boom-Boom. The newest member of the Bed-Knob boys.”
Dean closed his mouth, opened it, and then closed it again, a quizzical expression riddling his beaten face. “…But then you wouldn’t be the Bed-knob boys anymore…”
“I don’t follow ya.”
“Ok. Here. You and…Dopey here are the Bed-knob boys, right?…and what is she?”
Silence reined in the dusted out refinery.
Dean knew that this wasn’t going to go anywhere anytime soon. He figured he’d try a different approach.
“Lets try this again. How’d you get the name “The Bed- Knob Boys”?”
Buford scratched his beard, “Well. That’d be on account of when me and Badger here got locked up in the Bisbee Jailhouse, we escaped by tookem bed knobs off and killed the sheriff with ‘em.”
Dean rolled his wrist, using the tone of voice you use when talking to a five year old. “Right. Now why would she get the same name? what does she bring to your gang?”
Badger I guess finally found it appropriate to speak, stating simply with a goofy smile and a glance, “She’s perdy.”
Dean looked at Badger. Then at Boom-Boom. “ Ok. I’ll give ya that. But how does she fit into your whole…theme here?” Dean paused for a heartbeat to gather his thoughts. He hadn’t bullshitted for this long in a while. “I mean, you got this lovely dirty, unkempt, ascetic here with your…very fine hats, and she’s just “perdy”?” Dean used air quotes for emphasis.
Buford seemed to get that one, “You know what? The little shit’s right! We need to induct you into our asspicksous gang.” The old outlaw looked at Dean.
“You should kill the whelp.”
Dean’s eyes widened.
Well...Shit
End Of Part One
